Getting Over the Ick: How to Move Past Minor Turnoffs in Relationships
Let’s talk about the “ick.” You know, that sudden, almost unexplainable feeling of being turned off by someone you were into just moments ago. Maybe it’s the way they pronounce a certain word or how they’re way too enthusiastic about their fantasy football league. Whatever it is, the ick can feel like a real roadblock—especially if you genuinely like this person otherwise. So, how do you move past it without throwing away a good thing? Let’s dive in.
What Is the Ick, and Why Does It Happen?
The ick often pops up out of nowhere, sparked by something small and sometimes silly. Psychologists suggest it might be tied to deeper stuff, like fear of intimacy or vulnerability. When we’re getting close to someone, our minds sometimes go into overdrive, looking for reasons to push them away. Or maybe it’s just our inner perfectionist talking, whispering that everything needs to be "just right."
Step 1: Take a Breather
Before you let the ick take over, pause for a moment. Ask yourself:
Is this thing actually a dealbreaker, or just a quirk?
Am I feeling nervous about how fast this relationship is moving?
Could I be projecting my own insecurities onto them?
Sometimes, what feels like a big deal in the moment shrinks when you give yourself time to think it through.
Step 2: Check Your Emotions
The ick often comes from a gut reaction, but feelings aren’t always the best decision-makers. Write down exactly what’s bugging you. Seeing it in black and white can help you figure out if it’s a real problem or just a passing irritation.
For example, if you’re cringing because they did a goofy dance at the restaurant, ask yourself: Is this about them being a genuinely awkward person, or am I just embarrassed easily?
Step 3: Focus on the Good Stuff
Nobody’s perfect, right? Not you, not me, not the person you’re dating. Instead of zoning in on the thing that’s bothering you, try thinking about their great qualities. Are they kind? Do they make you laugh? Are they someone you trust? Often, putting the ick in perspective can make it feel less overwhelming.
Step 4: Talk About It (Gently)
If the ick comes from something they do all the time, consider bringing it up in a kind way. You’re not trying to change them—just share your feelings and see if there’s room for adjustment.
You might say something like:
“Hey, I’ve noticed that [specific thing] catches me off guard sometimes. It’s not a huge deal, but I thought it’d be worth mentioning.”
Who knows? They might not even realize they’re doing it.
Step 5: Challenge the Perfectionism
If you’re someone who gets the ick a lot, it might be worth checking in with yourself about expectations. Real-life relationships are messy. They’re not Instagram-perfect or movie-scripted. If you’re always looking for flaws, you might miss out on someone amazing.
Step 6: Know When It’s a Dealbreaker
That said, not all icks are meant to be ignored. If it’s persistent and tied to something big (like a mismatch in values or life goals), listen to your gut. The ick could be your intuition telling you this isn’t the right fit.
Final Thoughts
The ick doesn’t have to be a relationship killer. Sometimes it’s just a bump in the road, a sign to pause, reflect, and maybe even laugh at how human we all are. By giving yourself the space to figure out what’s really going on, you might find that what once gave you the ick is actually just part of what makes someone uniquely them. And isn’t that what love is all about?
